chemo 13 - red devil 1
It has almost been a week but I feel nauseated thinking back to last Monday. I was scared, to say the least. This was looming over me from day one. I am so very thankful to another breastie who answered my worried texts with honesty and grace. I was as prepared as I could be and overall my body handled it well!
Leading up to the day I used my nervous energy to make sure everything was ready for me to be out of commission for a week. Clean laundry, sheets, and apartment. I made truffles with my niece and nephew for my cancer center team to spoil them with sweets for being so sweet to me during my hardest days.
Monday started per usual - I made myself eat some breakfast. My mom showed up and we had burgers and a milkshake. I knew going into it with a full stomach would help. Then, my trusty Xanax is really the only reason I walked in. I cried. In the waiting room. In the chair. The fear was palpable. How did I do 12 weekly rounds of chemo? Who was that? Suddenly that strong girl showed up. I mean what was I going to do? Run? Ha! There’s no option of that. Thankfully my mom was allowed to come back for the first and hold my hand.
They got me hooked in and started the immunotherapy - Keytruda. Which meant I had at least 30 minutes to freak out and wonder what the hell was about to happen.
My nurse came over all gowned up, answered my nervous questions - “will it burn?” “does it taste like anything?” “ah okay, fuck, I’m ready.” She handed me ice chips to chew - this helps to prevent mouth sores. And she slowly pushed three vials of red poison into a port that leads directly to the largest vein in my body. It felt like nothing. It tasted like nothing. I was okay. Within 15 minutes that first dose of red devil was done. Only 3 more to go!
Cytoxan was next. This one was like the Taxol and Carbo - they hung it in a bag and it was per usual from there on out. A lot of people on AC get a neulasta shot - it’s a bone marrow stimulant and helps your body create white blood cells. I was nervous about this! It’s attached to your arm and it automatically administers the shot 24 hours after the chemo. It can also create a lot o bone pain so I started taking Claritin a few days before treatment. But, my doctor hadn’t ordered it. And since I’ve had decent cell counts they didn’t give it to me. This was honestly a relief - I’m willing to take my chances. Once I was unhooked - I said goodbye and Merry Christmas/Happy New Year because I won’t be back for THREE FULL WEEKS!!!!!
My mom is a saint and was packed to stay for the entire week - just in case. Monday night was typical. I felt a little woozy but overall fine. Tuesday I woke up pretty typical and worked through the day but the exhaustion slowly crept in and took over. They prescribed steroid pills and I didn’t take them. I hate the side effects of the steroids and wanted to test out if I needed them. Aside from exhaustion - I was okay. I heard a lot of advice and biggest point was to stay ahead of the nausea meds. I did just that and allowed my body to rest - A LOT. If I wasn’t working in bed, then I was flat out asleep. Thursday I didn’t get out of bed the entire day. Around 4pm I ordered postmates, picked it up from downstairs, ate and crawled back in bed. By Friday I felt a little more normal and was able to enjoy dinner with my sister, niece and nephew. We saw some tacky Christmas lights! And by Christmas day I was about 80% back to myself. Today is Sunday and the first day I woke up without a fog of exhaustion hanging over me.
I’m thankful my life is calm and allows me to rest as much as I have. And I am VERY thankful my next treatment isn’t until January 10, 2022!
Although, I do have a clip procedure on Tuesday I am dreading. And I’m tired of dreading things. I’m sick of being scared. But, comes with the territory, I guess! They are inserting a marker to my lymph nodes. It’s actually great news - the chemo is working so they want to be sure they know which ones to take during surgery because the tumors will have shrunk so much!
Overall - I’m over the hill and see ya next year chemo!!!!!
