chemo 4 & the buzz
It’s truly wild how quickly things can shift. Especially the emotions about this shit show. But, such is life! A lot of mundane updates for this post but I want to capture it.
Let’s start with a week 3 wrap up. It was a fucking hard week, y’all. I heard from a lot of survivors that the mental aspect of all of this is just as hard, if not harder, than the physical. And, I can tell you that is very true. From feeling isolated because my cell counts were down to my hair shedding a lot - I was struggling. I cried a lot Monday through Wednesday.
A big win - I still felt pretty great physically! I was bummed I had to stop Pure Barre classes in person but was able to get a few in at home between old live stream classes and just teaching myself old classes. I also still made it out for some outdoor activities with friends and to Brambly Park to see Tyler play! I kept up with a full work load and an added crisis client. But, the emotions of my hair coming out quickly were intense. But, I made it!
It was tough to determine the timing for buzzing it off. I didn’t want to do it too soon - but I also didn’t want to do it too late. I wanted my girls to be here because I just couldn’t do this one alone. And, we did it! The hair is buzzed off. This loomed over me since the day of diagnosis. The week was dark. And hard. The idea of buzzing it was terrifying. But once it was done - I was instantaneously calm again. I feel strong again. I know there will a lot more big scary things ahead. But, for right now, I’m happy and that’s all a girl can ask for.
On Wednesday, I gathered my gals, made a cheese board to pair with pizza and red wine, and played TSwift while buzzing my hair. I could not have done it without my phenomenal band of women with me. (not all pictured, and damn am I a lucky girl for these people) They also cleaned up allllll of the hair left behind everywhere so I wouldn’t have to deal with it. And honestly, the buzz looks better than I imagined! The slight hangover on Thursday morning was by far the roughest I’ve felt.
Then, I was reunited with my floof, Willow on Thursday! Thank goodness for Aunt Rachel nursing her back to health!! And Kip was so snuggly and great for me throughout the week! I owe her the world!!
So, chemo number 4 - it’s done! Only 12 more to go!! My cell counts came WAY up so I’m less prone to infection and my immune system is working! I truly hope I continue to feel this good through the rest of the Carbo/Taxol. I had my second Keytruda infusion (immunotherapy) today so it was a little longer of a day. Overall, same old, same old. I feel great throughout the weekend and then Sunday afternoon through Monday the fatigue is intense. My cousin Nate and his husband Josh came to visit so we did some activities but overall just chilled. Made it over to Rachel’s for a few fall fires!!
Oh AND we can FEEL my tumor shrinking. It’s like magic. Ok, it’s actually science. But, it is incredibly wild to feel my boob become my own again and this hoe of a tumor get eradicated from its home it took over. Which, I imagine will make a mastectomy tough because losing these boobs will not be easy for me. But, let’s celebrate the win - the chemo is working and there’s no denying that!!
Goal for the next week - keep finding the joy in the little things and enjoy this time feeling good!!
