diagnosis day

It’s no surprise to those who know me that writing and talking is extremely cathartic. I’m thankful for the lovely humans in my life who love me in spite of how much I can talk in circles about my bullshit. So, it’s no surprise I’ve started this site to keep you all updated because this is bullshit.

Before we can get into d day (diagnosis day) a little back story.

June 2021 I went to my annual gyn exam and nothing abnormal was noticed during the breast exam. I went about my life and hopped from Charleston to OBX for my annual beach trips. Worked remotely in between. Life was good!

July 2021, shortly after OBX, I noticed in the shower a very large mass in my right breast. Immediately, while in the shower, googled “very large lump suddenly appear in breast” and google confirmed - it’s a cyst! I didn’t really worry about it too much and chalked it up to going off of birth control earlier this year. My body is just starting to regulate its natural hormones. We’re fine!

End of July I had a trip of a lifetime in Belize! Throughout the trip though, Dan said I needed to call my doctor when we get home and get this lump checked out. It seemed to be growing bigger and started to slightly hurt. But, hey, cancer doesn’t hurt so - we’re fine!

My doctor’s office seemed a little concerned and wanted me to come in sooner but they only had availability at their Mechanicsville office. I chose to wait until my Doctor was available at the Forest location - two weeks away.

Friday, August 13th (lucky day, y’all! and 13 has been a lucky number for me) I saw my gyn doctor and he did a basic breast exam. He asked if I had injured my breast somehow - and honestly I didn’t think so? I don’t know, I bruise like an apple. He didn’t seem concerned but ordered a diagnostic mammogram and ultrasound. He specifically said not to do a biopsy in the radiologist office - to wait and call him (this is important later). Again… we’re fine!

Scheduling called to set up the mammo and ultrasound but everything was booked for over a month. The scheduler was able to find an appointment two weeks away at CJW. I wasn’t pleased I would have to go across the river (eye roll), but knew I needed to just get it over with. Scheduled for a Friday - I took the morning off and planned my errands for after the appointment.

I arrived and the mammo process was a well oiled machine and exceeded my expectations. Handed a nice comfy robe and surrounded by the sweetest people. But, the mammo hurt like a bitch - at this point this lump was sore. I came close to passing out (eat before a mammo, y’all!) but they swiftly got me juice and jolly ranchers. We finished the mammo and they passed me off for the ultrasound - which that too hurt a lot.

Here’s the thing. I had ZERO clue that I was get any answers on this day. I told my mom no need to come with, it’s likely a cyst, and I won’t know anything immediately. And that I would absolutely turn down an immediate biopsy and schedule with my gyn’s surgeon preference.

But, the radiologist tech doing my ultrasound said that the radiologist would come in and he will do his own physical exam and ultrasound and assured me that is just his process.

I was able to watch the screen as he did the ultrasound and realized then that there’s more than this massive mass I’ve been feeling for two months. But, still thought eh maybe it’s a couple of cysts. Then I thought ugh I hope I don’t have to cancel an upcoming beach trip for surgery to remove these damn cysts.

The radiologist then set the wand down and looked at me as I’m still on the table with boob out and covered in goo. He said - you have breast cancer. It is metastatic, meaning it has spread to your lymph node. We don’t know where else it might be yet. What questions do you have?

Um. All of the questions and none of the questions. My brain was blank. But the tears were immense. No thoughts, just tears.

He explained that after looking at my mammo - before the ultrasound even happened - he already alerted the surgeon across the hall and she was waiting for me for a biopsy. I said no, I need to schedule that, I can’t do that right now. He said we need to act very quickly and strongly advised against waiting even until Monday to get the biopsy. He said I will likely start treatment within two weeks. He then asked if he could pray for me - tit still out and gooey. He gave me his card with his cell phone number on it and left the room.

The tech gave me a hug and wiped off the goo. She told me this is going to be really hard and really suck. She said she’d get me vodka or tequila if she could. She then escorted me to the surgeon’s office for the biopsy.

I ended up delaying the biopsy until 3:30 that afternoon because the thought of a needle going into the now incredibly sore breast and lymph node would require some xanax on board. Also, this gave me time to get my mom to Richmond and give her this tragic news.

The biopsy was horrific. There is no sugar coating it. Full body shaking from the fear and pain. They biopsied my lymph node and the major tumor and inserted what they call clips to track where they’ve biopsied. She made sure to let us know that they aren’t tracking devices - which is a little disappointing ha!

Following the biopsy they put me and my mom in a little room while awaiting the preliminary pathology reports. They’re now able to very quickly review the biopsy to give confirmation of a cancer diagnosis. To no one’s surprise at this point. It is cancer. The surgeon informed me I’d have a week of testing - genetics, MRI, CT scans, etc., and then likely start with chemo before surgery. But, most importantly we need to know what type before a treatment plan and where else it might be in my body.

So, on what should have been a fun Friday night, I canceled plans and cried… a lot.

I am 33. I have breast cancer. This is bullshit.