just breathe

But what if I can’t? Don’t worry, y’all. I’m breathing just fine. But when your mantra through anxiety attacks is to just breathe - it’s pretty terrifying to think that the treatment that is saving your life is also destroying this very integral part to actually living.

Interstitial Lung Disease is an umbrella term for lung inflammation. Enhertu, the treatment I’m on, can cause this in “rare” instances. I’m beginning to wonder the true definition of rare. While it seems we just won’t know if this inflammation shown on my CT scan on 9/29/23 is an infection from something else or Enhertu caused ILD, either way the outcome is the same. Pausing treatment, starting steroids for 21 days, and re-scanning.

I’ve had 12 Enhertu treatments and 6 stable scans. My oncologist and a second opinion oncologist do not believe that a pause of one, or two, treatments will have an impact on my cancer spreading or going nuts.

But, oncologists have been wrong in the past.

So steroids paired with this spiraling anxiety about this is quite literally inhibiting my ability to breathe at times. No, not your normal shortness of breathe I am on the close look out for. But more so the daily nagging reminder that one hitch in this plan can take me so far off the rails that I fall over a cliff to free fall.

I’m also embarking on the busiest few weeks of fun and work. Which, keeping busy during this is necessary. But I can’t help but feel a bit overwhelmed through it all.

Extra prayers and good vibes as we trudge through this unknown of what’s to come next while simultaneously enjoying life’s sweet business.