fertility

My generation is really the first to be 100% in control of their fertility throughout most of their life. And I’ll be honest - having the choice to have children or not has weighed heavily long before this diagnosis. I had again jumped over the fence of no kids pretty recently prior to being diagnosed with breast cancer. But, when a doctor is telling you flat out preserve your fertility or gamble with losing it forever - it’s fucking hard to cut that option out completely.

I wanted kids to be on the table. I wanted to find my person and then we could make that decision together. And y’all know I’ve thought I’ve found my person a hundred million times (okay, like twice, but feels like that many).

Basically, I’m gambling. I didn’t want to delay my treatments. Also, I’m a big baby and I really could not bring myself to do IVF to retrieve and freeze eggs. The cost was also inhibiting this road as well. I didn’t even call back to confirm the fertility consultation. I had so many appointments and things. I also felt like I didn’t want the decision down the road of what to do with my eggs if I don’t pursue motherhood.

I will have a shot that will shut down my ovaries. This will increase the chances that down the road my eggs will be spared from the hell that is chemotherapy. So, fertility is not totally off the table. And that’s a gamble I’m willing to make.

I share this for you as a plea to remember - asking someone if they want kids, when they will have kids, or why they don’t have kids is a very loaded question that honestly is none of your business.